Cliques

Jr. High is a painful time for most kids. One of the main reasons for this is the formation of cliques. I remember desperately wanting to grow up because in the “real” world there were no cliques. I’ve been assured by friends and family that even though I may not always act like it, I have grown up and “Yes Virginia, there are cliques in the adult world.” And they’re far worse than the ones in Junior High.

It may seem, in Jr. High, that getting into the popular group is a matter of life and death but in the real world it really can be. Okay, that’s a little dramatic but not far from the truth if you really think about it. The people who are in the “In-Crowd” are far more likely to retain their jobs in a layoff situation and people who are laid off lose their health insurance and can’t afford their prescriptions and die a terrible death. Oh, I’m being dramatic again? Okay, I’ll tone it down.

There are cliques in every group I belong to. There are the people who are closest to the pastor at church and they’re in a little clique. Then there are the women in the mommies group who try to be friendly but they’ve been in the group since there kids were born and they’re kids are all the same age. Without meaning to they’ve created a clique. An example of the “cliquish” behavior; I was at Sunday School about 3-4 months ago and one woman said to the other two women who happened to be there at that time “Oh, by the way you two, what are you doing on the 15th? I’m planning on having my daughter’s birthday party that day.” I didn’t really have my feelings hurt that my not even 2yr old wasn’t invited to a 6 year old’s party, it wouldn’t have been the right “venue” for him. I was a little embarrassed that all this party planning was going on all around me and I was the only one who wasn’t included. I guess I felt like that conversation could have waited until I wasn’t there.

I’ve encountered the same thing In the Letterboxing community. I really enjoy letterboxing, it’s fun, it’s great exercise, etc. But the people involved seem to be a little less than friendly. You get the feeling that they do not welcome newcomers. Sure there are a few that are friendly but most seem to want to stay exclusive. We’ve decided not to do anymore get togethers. It also ruins the mystique a little when you know the people who planted the box you’ve just found. We found at the gathering we did participate in, that some of the old-timers didn’t seem to appreciate the newcomers. I do have to say that there are some really nice letterboxers but maybe it’s more of a solitary activity that people are trying to make social.

I think that most of the cliques that adults form are probably not done on purpose. I also think that the perception of the “outsider” determines whether or not a clique exists regardless of whether the “insiders” realize it. Insecure people are going to identify cliques easier than people who are sure of themselves.