Stupid Twin Questions

I haven't been asked all of these but I've been asked most of them. I've gotten the others from other people who have multiples.

By the way I know I have asked people the some of these questions before I had the girls. And they weren't annoying until I had been asked the questions hundreds of times-at first I didn't mind. And I still don't mind sometimes if I'm in the mood to talk about it.

Question: "Are they twins?"
Answer: "No, this one is ours, we picked up the other one at the grocery store."
"No, they're two years apart."
"Nope, they're clones."

Question: "Are they girls?"
Answer: "No, they're boys, we just like pink."

Question: "Are they natural?"
Answer: "No, they are robots."

Question: "Are you breastfeeding?"
Answer: "Are you?"

Question: "Did you know you were having twins?"
Answer: "I have twins?"

Question: "Did you use fertility treatments?"
Answer: "No, we had sex twice that night."
"If you'll forgive me for not answering, I'll forgive you for asking."

Question: "Who was born first?"
Answer: "They were born at the same time."

Question: "Is that one bad?"
Answer: "Yeah, last week she held up a liquor store."

Question: "Did you have them naturally?"
Answer: "Why do you ask?"


Question: "Do twins run in your family? "
Answer: "They do now."


Question: "How were they conceived? "
Answer: "Sex. Lots and Lots of Sex."
"How did you conceive yours?"
"it was buy one, get one free day"
"I ate a lot of broccoli."
(look both ways, lean forward, and whisper in their ear) "Turkey Baster"

A story....

I was at Target and the girls were crying because they were hungry... I brought bottles of water and went to mix the formula... no formula... crap!! So I head to the checkout. Meanwhile, Jack is getting hungry and tired and crabby. We pay and head out. Jack starts misbehaving. He won't listen, won't stay by me, cries and generally throws a fit. Three people who work there crowd around the stroller so I can't move and start asking questions. Duh! Did you not notice that I have three screaming children one of which is running off and because you're crowding the stroller I can't go after him? I need to get the hell out of there.