Life

I signed the kids up for a grief group at the local children's hospital. They have a support group that meets at the same time for the parents. We went for the first time night before last. It was good. The kids do fun things and talk a little about how hard it is. I'm also going to a bereavement class. I have learned a lot already. I like the people in the class a lot. They are all very kind. It's a crap shoot when you mix a bunch of strangers up like that.

Last week I had a mini panic attack when I remembered that my mom was cremated. I thought Oh My God we can't undo that. I just can't accept that she's gone. It doesn't make sense because I know that she is gone but when I think about what that means my mind just shuts down and I start crying.  

I spend a lot of time at my desk crying quietly and hoping no one walks by and sees me. I was off work for almost two months after she passed and I have to rejoin the real world. I've been back to work for 5 weeks now. It really doesn't seem to improve. 

We are moving into my mom's house. It's a better neighborhood and it's where the kids go to school. They have friends there that they can walk or ride bikes to their houses. It's going to be a lot of work. We need to build a new fence in the back yard before we can move in because of the dogs. We will be moving all of her stuff to the family room and then bring our stuff over.  Then we will move her stuff to our house until we figure out what to do with it all.  We will do that room by room.