Nathan Feuerstein (NF)

It's not easy growing up as the big brother to twin sisters. My mom was always my son's rock. When we found out we were having twins, I asked her if she would pay special attention to him because I knew that the babies would require lot of attention from us due to their likelihood of being born premature, not to mention other people would be enamored with them even though babies really don't do much and don't need people to ooh and aah over them. I was afraid that my 3.5 year old man might feel left out. I wanted him to know how special and loved he was and know that he was not being replaced by the twin terrors. Of course this wasn't asking too much of my mom because she adored him. She was a soft place to land when life at home felt unfair or burdensome. I remember when he was probably 8 or 9 he threatened to run away. I asked him where he was going to go and he said he was going to Yaya's house. I was always so grateful that he had somewhere to go where he felt understood.

My mom's death hit my son hard. So when he found new music that spoke directly to him, I had to hear it. Nate Feuerstein or NF as he prefers to be called, is a young Christian rapper who has crossed over into the mainstream. His style reminds me of Eminem and indeed I believe he has worked with Eminem. NF's music is gritty and emotional. He speaks of depression and anger which really hits home after mom's death. Suicide comes up too and to be honest that made me nervous until I remembered that I can't pretend it's not an issue by plugging my ears to it and hearing about it does not convince people to do it.

My favorite song by NF is "Mansion". It talks of a house with different rooms for different difficulties such as regret, anger, and physically abused. There is also a safe room where no one is allowed to enter for fear of getting hurt, because once someone has been in all of your rooms, they have all the power to hurt you. Ok so I'm putting words in his mouth. I'm not sure if that's what he meant but that's how I interpreted it because that's what my safe room would be. I'm not sure what would be in my son's safe room but I am glad that NF is giving him the inspiration to dig deep and figure it out. Sometimes someone else can verbalize a negative feeling that we didn't even know we had which lets us work through it whereas we couldn't before. Naming it is the first step to conquering it.

I have seen that some parents want to discourage their kids from listening to NF. They are probably worried that their kids will get ideas. I've got news for them, your kids have the ideas already but they likely don't have the tools and skills to work them out. And guess what? They're not coming to you to get help.

So I bought NF's albums even though I can stream them, and I bought shirts for my kid. Because I want to support the artist who supports my kid. And if I could sit down and talk to NF, I would tell him how important he is and how much of a positive influence he is in young people's lives. And I would tell him that I would never try and replace his mom but if he wanted an auntie who would be there for him, I am here. It breaks my heart hearing how he feels alone. I know what it's like to be surrounded by people but feel all alone.