Hidden Crazy

I'm back. I didn't know where else to go. For years I shared stories here and followed stories that others posted. Then came Facebook and this fizzled out.

I came back because I remembered my mom's blog and I wanted to read some of what she wrote. Mom's gone now. She passed away of sepsis from a kidney infection not quite 3 weeks ago. I'm dying a little on the inside every day that I'm without her. I guess I seem like I'm doing ok to other people. Maybe I've gotten better at hiding it with my years of experience with GAD and depression. My natural inclination is to keep my crazy hidden as much as I can. I've gotten much better at hiding my feelings.

I can't sleep except when I can't stay awake. I cry hard and then the tears run out and I'm left with that uncomfortable feeling in the center of my eyes and nose which tells me I need to cry but I can't anymore. I don't worry though; I know that they will be back.

I think most of us have that ONE person. The one who knows us so well that difficult conversations are had more by body language than spoken language. The ONE person isn't just someone you love, but someone you need. This person can comfort and reassure better than anyone else.

My mom has always been my ONE. When Amelia died she sat with me the hours that Brett was at work. That was such a hard time. As hard as that was, this is so much worse. But what do you do when the only one who can really comfort you is the one that's gone?

I have always seen people who lose a parent begin to function in the real world so quickly. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I can barely breathe. I just want to give up. If I didn't have kids then I probably would.

I need her to come back. This feels like a horrible nightmare that I will awake from. When I picture her in my mind I think "Oh, no worries. She's the one I absolutely can't live without. She will be back." It hurts to find out over and over again that she won't.

Fostering Animals

We volunteer with an awesome organization called Animal Aid and Rescue Foundation aka AARF. They often work with animals that other groups pass over. These include dogs with illnesses or injuries that may be expensive to treat. It includes older dogs and dogs that are considered "less adoptable". They work with all breeds but most often large dogs. They work with a lot of pit bulls. They recently had a pair of guinea pigs!

We foster dogs in our home. Mostly we foster puppies since our older dog, Grace, isn't always friendly with dogs that she can't boss around a little. She's fine as long as dogs recognize her authority. Sunday will be the one year anniversary of receiving our first foster puppies, Diego, Marco and Indy. They are pit mixes and were about 9 weeks old when we got them.

It looks like we may be taking in a Catahoula Leopard Dog on Sunday. He will be our 23rd foster dog. He is coming all the way from Louisiana along with three other puppies. Zip is only about 8 months old and has spent about 5 months in the shelter. He will hopefully have a better chance of finding a home here in WA.

Right now we are trying to raise the money to have all of the dogs flown out here. It's going to be about $100 for each dog and maybe more. If you have any ideas for fundraising, let me know.

The most dogs we've had at a time was a litter of 6 pittie pups this past summer. That is in addition to our two dogs. It was somewhat hectic (pure chaos actually!) I'm not sure I'll sign on for that many again but it was worth it to save those lives. There wasn't anyone else willing to foster them.

We won't be taking any tiny puppies anytime soon. The last two babies we fostered had parvovirus and it hangs around the environment for up to a year. We've done massive cleaning but we can't be sure that we killed it all. It's just not worth the risk to little puppies without the protection of a full set of vaccinations.

Fostering dogs has been a wonderful experience for us. The kids love the dogs. We haven't had too many issues with them getting too attached. The dogs are usually with us for a short time and we talk with the kids a lot about their future homes. So it's never like the dog is ours.

I hear people say that they couldn't foster because they'd get too attached. I've not found that to be the case for us. I am an emotional person and it's surprising that I don't have trouble giving up these little beings but when I know from the beginning that the dogs aren't mine and I know that they are going to a great home it's just not hard to give them up. Besides, we can help so many more animals by not keeping the fosters-if we kept them all we wouldn't have room for more.

Deciding to foster is a life or death decision. Thousands upon thousands of dogs are killed each year. Foster homes are desperately needed. If you're interested, contact your local shelter, group or even me for more information.

It's been far too long...

With the popularity of Facebook, I've let my blog suffer. I can't believe it but Blogger says it's been two years since I posted. I couldn't have read that correctly, could I?

A lot has happened in two years (no kidding!) Jack is now in second grade and the girls will be in kindergarten next year. Jack is doing taekwondo at the school that DH goes to. DH and I are both working at the same jobs.

We've started working with a local animal rescue group and fostering puppies/young dogs. We really enjoy it-although I think I enjoy it more than anyone else. Since December of last year we have had 20 dogs/puppies come through our house. We usually have them for short periods of time-like two-three weeks. We take them to adoption events to try to find them great homes.

Most recently we had a litter of 6 puppies. They were 9 weeks old when we got them and they all found homes within three weeks. It was fun but we had to bathe them daily and that's a lot of work. We also had to clean out three crates twice daily. Usually it's not that much work because the dogs are already crate trained.

 

In addition to fostering dogs, the family has been busy with back to school for Jack and all of the kids are getting ready to play soccer at the YMCA. The girls are excited because this is the first year that they are old enough to play any of the sports. It's going to be crazy busy for the next few months!

More Funnies

The kids are "shopping" with grocery bags and cleaning up the house... one is collecting toys, one is collecting shoes and one is collecting garbage. I am cleaning up the kitchen so i can start dinner.
Me: "Please go out of the kitchen and let me finish cleaning up."
Jack: "No no no, I'm just here in case you have a garbage situation."

I bought some "fruit leathers" which are a healthier version of a fruit roll-up (all natural). The babies love them, Jack-not so much. He says, "The leathers are pretty yummy but they taste kind of funky."

Then I put the fruit leathers away and Erica laid down on the floor and kicked and screamed, we're definitely two now!

Funny Things

Here are some funny things that the kids have said or done lately.

Me: Who pooped?
Megan: Jack did!
Note-Jack did not poop

I was changing Megan when Erica came in and says "Nassy" pointing at her sister. Very astute.

Jack: I wish I had two mommies and two daddies
Me: Why?
Jack: So the real mommy could rest and the other one could cook for us
Note-I need to cook more often

Jack: I got to be snack helper at school with my new best friend.
Me: What is your friend's name?
Jack: Hmm, I don't remember
Note-Kindergarteners develop some really strong friendships, apparently

Jack locked Megan in the bedroom. He came out to me and said, "She's in the bedroom. It wasn't a good choice."
Note-No Kidding!!!

On the first day of kindergarten
Jack: It's normal for parents to cry on the first day of kindergarten-but not for them to have a nervous breakdown.
Note-Duly noted. PS I did not have a nervous breakdown but there was some muffled sobbing :)

Readertotz Blog

I wanted to let all my friends with little ones know about this blog. It's pretty neat... it highlights awesome toddler/preschool books. I haven't seen any books featured that I haven't wanted to run out and buy. I found the blog while perusing the webpage to our local library.

They also do a giveaway (US residents only) every Wednesday. We won a Maisy book and it's adorable. Anyway, check them out at: http://readertotz.blogspot.com/

Interview with my child.

Copy this note, ask your kid the questions and write them down exactly how they respond.

I interviewed my little guy, Jack, age 5

1. What is something mom always says to you? “Stop”

2. What makes mom happy? “When I hug you and kiss you”

3. What makes mom sad ? “When I throw things and hit people”

4. How does your mom make you laugh? “When you’re silly and goofy and be funny.”

5. What did your mom like to do as a child? “Be a boy” (WHAT?)

6. How old is your mom? “16”

7. How tall is your mom? “From foot to head, 17”

8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? “Spongebob”

9. What does your mom do when you're not around? “Sit around”

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? ” Me”

11. What is your mom really good at? “I don’t know, you tell me. Um you’re really good at hugging.”

12. What is your mom not very good at? “Balancing all the time”

13. What does your mom do for her job? “I don’t know, work?”

14. What is your mom's favorite food? ”Chicken Pot Pie, you love chicken pot pie!”

15. What makes you proud of your mom? ”playing”

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? ”A Spongebob character”

17. What do you and your mom do together? ”Just play lots and do laundry”

18. How are you and your mom the same? ”We’re the same by being pale.”

19. How are you and your mom different? “I don’t know; we’re the same. If we were in the dark we would be different. “

20. How do you know your mom loves you? “Cause you play with me.”

21. What does your mom like most about your dad? “His music”

22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? “Work.”