It's not easy growing up as the big brother to twin sisters. My mom was always my son's rock. When we found out we were having twins, I asked her if she would pay special attention to him because I knew that the babies would require lot of attention from us due to their likelihood of being born premature, not to mention other people would be enamored with them even though babies really don't do much and don't need people to ooh and aah over them. I was afraid that my 3.5 year old man might feel left out. I wanted him to know how special and loved he was and know that he was not being replaced by the twin terrors. Of course this wasn't asking too much of my mom because she adored him. She was a soft place to land when life at home felt unfair or burdensome. I remember when he was probably 8 or 9 he threatened to run away. I asked him where he was going to go and he said he was going to Yaya's house. I was always so grateful that he had somewhere to go where he felt understood.
My mom's death hit my son hard. So when he found new music that spoke directly to him, I had to hear it. Nate Feuerstein or NF as he prefers to be called, is a young Christian rapper who has crossed over into the mainstream. His style reminds me of Eminem and indeed I believe he has worked with Eminem. NF's music is gritty and emotional. He speaks of depression and anger which really hits home after mom's death. Suicide comes up too and to be honest that made me nervous until I remembered that I can't pretend it's not an issue by plugging my ears to it and hearing about it does not convince people to do it.
My favorite song by NF is "Mansion". It talks of a house with different rooms for different difficulties such as regret, anger, and physically abused. There is also a safe room where no one is allowed to enter for fear of getting hurt, because once someone has been in all of your rooms, they have all the power to hurt you. Ok so I'm putting words in his mouth. I'm not sure if that's what he meant but that's how I interpreted it because that's what my safe room would be. I'm not sure what would be in my son's safe room but I am glad that NF is giving him the inspiration to dig deep and figure it out. Sometimes someone else can verbalize a negative feeling that we didn't even know we had which lets us work through it whereas we couldn't before. Naming it is the first step to conquering it.
I have seen that some parents want to discourage their kids from listening to NF. They are probably worried that their kids will get ideas. I've got news for them, your kids have the ideas already but they likely don't have the tools and skills to work them out. And guess what? They're not coming to you to get help.
So I bought NF's albums even though I can stream them, and I bought shirts for my kid. Because I want to support the artist who supports my kid. And if I could sit down and talk to NF, I would tell him how important he is and how much of a positive influence he is in young people's lives. And I would tell him that I would never try and replace his mom but if he wanted an auntie who would be there for him, I am here. It breaks my heart hearing how he feels alone. I know what it's like to be surrounded by people but feel all alone.
Just a mom
Thursday, April 05, 2018
Friday, October 07, 2016
Life
I signed the kids up for a grief group at the local children's hospital. They have a support group that meets at the same time for the parents. We went for the first time night before last. It was good. The kids do fun things and talk a little about how hard it is. I'm also going to a bereavement class. I have learned a lot already. I like the people in the class a lot. They are all very kind. It's a crap shoot when you mix a bunch of strangers up like that.
Last week I had a mini panic attack when I remembered that my mom was cremated. I thought Oh My God we can't undo that. I just can't accept that she's gone. It doesn't make sense because I know that she is gone but when I think about what that means my mind just shuts down and I start crying.
I spend a lot of time at my desk crying quietly and hoping no one walks by and sees me. I was off work for almost two months after she passed and I have to rejoin the real world. I've been back to work for 5 weeks now. It really doesn't seem to improve.
We are moving into my mom's house. It's a better neighborhood and it's where the kids go to school. They have friends there that they can walk or ride bikes to their houses. It's going to be a lot of work. We need to build a new fence in the back yard before we can move in because of the dogs. We will be moving all of her stuff to the family room and then bring our stuff over. Then we will move her stuff to our house until we figure out what to do with it all. We will do that room by room.
Last week I had a mini panic attack when I remembered that my mom was cremated. I thought Oh My God we can't undo that. I just can't accept that she's gone. It doesn't make sense because I know that she is gone but when I think about what that means my mind just shuts down and I start crying.
I spend a lot of time at my desk crying quietly and hoping no one walks by and sees me. I was off work for almost two months after she passed and I have to rejoin the real world. I've been back to work for 5 weeks now. It really doesn't seem to improve.
We are moving into my mom's house. It's a better neighborhood and it's where the kids go to school. They have friends there that they can walk or ride bikes to their houses. It's going to be a lot of work. We need to build a new fence in the back yard before we can move in because of the dogs. We will be moving all of her stuff to the family room and then bring our stuff over. Then we will move her stuff to our house until we figure out what to do with it all. We will do that room by room.
Monday, October 03, 2016
Over and Over
I feel like I'm losing her over and over again because I forget she is gone. Each time I feel like my heart has stopped.
I feel like if I accept she is gone then she really will be. If I want her back I have to just deny she is gone hard enough and she will come back.
I feel like if I accept she is gone then she really will be. If I want her back I have to just deny she is gone hard enough and she will come back.
Monday, September 26, 2016
Random thoughts and things
I keep having dreams about my mom. In my dreams my mom doesn't say anything. It's almost like her body is there but she isn't.
I love autumn and I want to look forward to it but I feel like I can't. Because how could autumn, or any season be good without mom?
I keep thinking that I should give her a call because it's been awhile since I talked to her. The realization that she is gone hits me each time.
I just want to hurry up and get through life so I can be with her again. But I don't like that I keep getting further from the last time I talked to her.
Everyday, at least once but often more than once a day, I think, "Mom is gone? No that's not right. She can't be gone. She is the one person besides my kids that can't be gone.
I probably have said some of this stuff before on here but no one is reading it but me so it doesn't matter. But in case someone shows up someday and thinks I repeat myself, well I guess I do.
I love autumn and I want to look forward to it but I feel like I can't. Because how could autumn, or any season be good without mom?
I keep thinking that I should give her a call because it's been awhile since I talked to her. The realization that she is gone hits me each time.
I just want to hurry up and get through life so I can be with her again. But I don't like that I keep getting further from the last time I talked to her.
Everyday, at least once but often more than once a day, I think, "Mom is gone? No that's not right. She can't be gone. She is the one person besides my kids that can't be gone.
I probably have said some of this stuff before on here but no one is reading it but me so it doesn't matter. But in case someone shows up someday and thinks I repeat myself, well I guess I do.
Monday, September 19, 2016
Every Day Takes Me Further Away
I hate that I get further from the last time I talked to my mom every day. I had a dream the other night that I would be able to talk to her one last time if I hurried but I wasn't fast enough. I sometimes feel like she's just out of reach. I could get to her if I just could go back to her house. Of course I do go back to her house to feed the cats and of course she's not there. And sometimes it feels like she's so far away. I can't remember the sound of her voice.
And I feel like I can't do anything fun or look forward to anything. I should have done more with her when she was here. I should have made sure she was more included. Why do I get to do fun activities when I didn't include her while she was here? And looking forward to anything knowing she won't be here is just heartbreaking. I always loved fall. I was dreading it earlier in the summer because the kids would be back in school and I enjoy the free time when they are not stuck doing homework all evening. Now there is a cloud over everything knowing that mom won't be here for all of our family activities. Last year Steve and Kirsten and the family and Mom came over on Halloween for dinner and trunk or treating. I was looking forward to something similar again. I still would like to do something but it won't be the same.
I hate this.
And I feel like I can't do anything fun or look forward to anything. I should have done more with her when she was here. I should have made sure she was more included. Why do I get to do fun activities when I didn't include her while she was here? And looking forward to anything knowing she won't be here is just heartbreaking. I always loved fall. I was dreading it earlier in the summer because the kids would be back in school and I enjoy the free time when they are not stuck doing homework all evening. Now there is a cloud over everything knowing that mom won't be here for all of our family activities. Last year Steve and Kirsten and the family and Mom came over on Halloween for dinner and trunk or treating. I was looking forward to something similar again. I still would like to do something but it won't be the same.
I hate this.
Thursday, August 25, 2016
It hurts so much worse now. Every time the phone rings I think it's mom. And every time I have that gut wrenching realization that it can't be her. I have nightmares and I go from not sleeping to not being able to stay awake.
Brett was off last week which helped. Now he's back to work and it's tough. I miss him and I feel so alone. I am not feeling like a winning parent lately. I yell and lose my shit. I'm so agitated.
Today I sat in front of a grandma and a daughter in law and listened to them talk about a little boy just like my mom and I talked about Jack when he was little. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.
I took the kids shopping for school supplies. Finally. I'm about a month late. That was $240. Still have to buy clothes. I put everything off because I feel like I can't enjoy anything because she's not here. I usually enjoy back to school shopping. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. She would have been proud of Jack checking prices and comparing quantities. He basically shopped by himself and I watched.
I go back to work in a little more than a week. I feel ready once in awhile until it all falls apart again and them I'm terrified. I have to change my schedule. It was so early before which worked when they could be at her house in the morning and afternoon.
I feel like even though I appreciated her but I didn't show it. She knew I loved her but I didn't show it well. I was not a good daughter.
Brett was off last week which helped. Now he's back to work and it's tough. I miss him and I feel so alone. I am not feeling like a winning parent lately. I yell and lose my shit. I'm so agitated.
Today I sat in front of a grandma and a daughter in law and listened to them talk about a little boy just like my mom and I talked about Jack when he was little. I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me.
I took the kids shopping for school supplies. Finally. I'm about a month late. That was $240. Still have to buy clothes. I put everything off because I feel like I can't enjoy anything because she's not here. I usually enjoy back to school shopping. Nothing is enjoyable anymore. She would have been proud of Jack checking prices and comparing quantities. He basically shopped by himself and I watched.
I go back to work in a little more than a week. I feel ready once in awhile until it all falls apart again and them I'm terrified. I have to change my schedule. It was so early before which worked when they could be at her house in the morning and afternoon.
I feel like even though I appreciated her but I didn't show it. She knew I loved her but I didn't show it well. I was not a good daughter.
Friday, August 12, 2016
It has been 4 weeks since my mom passed. It doesn't get easier. I feel empty and alone. I'm not alone - I have my kids and husband. It's a different kind of alone, one that I can't explain.
I find myself saying "mom" without even knowing it until someone says something. I also say my husband's or kids' names randomly like that. I feel like I'm shaking only if I hold still you can't tell.
Every day takes me further from her.
I find myself saying "mom" without even knowing it until someone says something. I also say my husband's or kids' names randomly like that. I feel like I'm shaking only if I hold still you can't tell.
Every day takes me further from her.
Monday, August 08, 2016
Hidden Crazy
I'm back. I didn't know where else to go. For years I shared stories here and followed stories that others posted. Then came Facebook and this fizzled out.
I came back because I remembered my mom's blog and I wanted to read some of what she wrote. Mom's gone now. She passed away of sepsis from a kidney infection not quite 3 weeks ago. I'm dying a little on the inside every day that I'm without her. I guess I seem like I'm doing ok to other people. Maybe I've gotten better at hiding it with my years of experience with GAD and depression. My natural inclination is to keep my crazy hidden as much as I can. I've gotten much better at hiding my feelings.
I can't sleep except when I can't stay awake. I cry hard and then the tears run out and I'm left with that uncomfortable feeling in the center of my eyes and nose which tells me I need to cry but I can't anymore. I don't worry though; I know that they will be back.
I think most of us have that ONE person. The one who knows us so well that difficult conversations are had more by body language than spoken language. The ONE person isn't just someone you love, but someone you need. This person can comfort and reassure better than anyone else.
My mom has always been my ONE. When Amelia died she sat with me the hours that Brett was at work. That was such a hard time. As hard as that was, this is so much worse. But what do you do when the only one who can really comfort you is the one that's gone?
I have always seen people who lose a parent begin to function in the real world so quickly. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I can barely breathe. I just want to give up. If I didn't have kids then I probably would.
I need her to come back. This feels like a horrible nightmare that I will awake from. When I picture her in my mind I think "Oh, no worries. She's the one I absolutely can't live without. She will be back." It hurts to find out over and over again that she won't.
I came back because I remembered my mom's blog and I wanted to read some of what she wrote. Mom's gone now. She passed away of sepsis from a kidney infection not quite 3 weeks ago. I'm dying a little on the inside every day that I'm without her. I guess I seem like I'm doing ok to other people. Maybe I've gotten better at hiding it with my years of experience with GAD and depression. My natural inclination is to keep my crazy hidden as much as I can. I've gotten much better at hiding my feelings.
I can't sleep except when I can't stay awake. I cry hard and then the tears run out and I'm left with that uncomfortable feeling in the center of my eyes and nose which tells me I need to cry but I can't anymore. I don't worry though; I know that they will be back.
I think most of us have that ONE person. The one who knows us so well that difficult conversations are had more by body language than spoken language. The ONE person isn't just someone you love, but someone you need. This person can comfort and reassure better than anyone else.
My mom has always been my ONE. When Amelia died she sat with me the hours that Brett was at work. That was such a hard time. As hard as that was, this is so much worse. But what do you do when the only one who can really comfort you is the one that's gone?
I have always seen people who lose a parent begin to function in the real world so quickly. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I can barely breathe. I just want to give up. If I didn't have kids then I probably would.
I need her to come back. This feels like a horrible nightmare that I will awake from. When I picture her in my mind I think "Oh, no worries. She's the one I absolutely can't live without. She will be back." It hurts to find out over and over again that she won't.
Friday, December 02, 2011
Fostering Animals
We volunteer with an awesome organization called Animal Aid and Rescue Foundation aka AARF. They often work with animals that other groups pass over. These include dogs with illnesses or injuries that may be expensive to treat. It includes older dogs and dogs that are considered "less adoptable". They work with all breeds but most often large dogs. They work with a lot of pit bulls. They recently had a pair of guinea pigs!
We foster dogs in our home. Mostly we foster puppies since our older dog, Grace, isn't always friendly with dogs that she can't boss around a little. She's fine as long as dogs recognize her authority. Sunday will be the one year anniversary of receiving our first foster puppies, Diego, Marco and Indy. They are pit mixes and were about 9 weeks old when we got them.
It looks like we may be taking in a Catahoula Leopard Dog on Sunday. He will be our 23rd foster dog. He is coming all the way from Louisiana along with three other puppies. Zip is only about 8 months old and has spent about 5 months in the shelter. He will hopefully have a better chance of finding a home here in WA.
Right now we are trying to raise the money to have all of the dogs flown out here. It's going to be about $100 for each dog and maybe more. If you have any ideas for fundraising, let me know.
The most dogs we've had at a time was a litter of 6 pittie pups this past summer. That is in addition to our two dogs. It was somewhat hectic (pure chaos actually!) I'm not sure I'll sign on for that many again but it was worth it to save those lives. There wasn't anyone else willing to foster them.
We won't be taking any tiny puppies anytime soon. The last two babies we fostered had parvovirus and it hangs around the environment for up to a year. We've done massive cleaning but we can't be sure that we killed it all. It's just not worth the risk to little puppies without the protection of a full set of vaccinations.
Fostering dogs has been a wonderful experience for us. The kids love the dogs. We haven't had too many issues with them getting too attached. The dogs are usually with us for a short time and we talk with the kids a lot about their future homes. So it's never like the dog is ours.
I hear people say that they couldn't foster because they'd get too attached. I've not found that to be the case for us. I am an emotional person and it's surprising that I don't have trouble giving up these little beings but when I know from the beginning that the dogs aren't mine and I know that they are going to a great home it's just not hard to give them up. Besides, we can help so many more animals by not keeping the fosters-if we kept them all we wouldn't have room for more.
Deciding to foster is a life or death decision. Thousands upon thousands of dogs are killed each year. Foster homes are desperately needed. If you're interested, contact your local shelter, group or even me for more information.
We foster dogs in our home. Mostly we foster puppies since our older dog, Grace, isn't always friendly with dogs that she can't boss around a little. She's fine as long as dogs recognize her authority. Sunday will be the one year anniversary of receiving our first foster puppies, Diego, Marco and Indy. They are pit mixes and were about 9 weeks old when we got them.
It looks like we may be taking in a Catahoula Leopard Dog on Sunday. He will be our 23rd foster dog. He is coming all the way from Louisiana along with three other puppies. Zip is only about 8 months old and has spent about 5 months in the shelter. He will hopefully have a better chance of finding a home here in WA.
Right now we are trying to raise the money to have all of the dogs flown out here. It's going to be about $100 for each dog and maybe more. If you have any ideas for fundraising, let me know.
The most dogs we've had at a time was a litter of 6 pittie pups this past summer. That is in addition to our two dogs. It was somewhat hectic (pure chaos actually!) I'm not sure I'll sign on for that many again but it was worth it to save those lives. There wasn't anyone else willing to foster them.
We won't be taking any tiny puppies anytime soon. The last two babies we fostered had parvovirus and it hangs around the environment for up to a year. We've done massive cleaning but we can't be sure that we killed it all. It's just not worth the risk to little puppies without the protection of a full set of vaccinations.
Fostering dogs has been a wonderful experience for us. The kids love the dogs. We haven't had too many issues with them getting too attached. The dogs are usually with us for a short time and we talk with the kids a lot about their future homes. So it's never like the dog is ours.
I hear people say that they couldn't foster because they'd get too attached. I've not found that to be the case for us. I am an emotional person and it's surprising that I don't have trouble giving up these little beings but when I know from the beginning that the dogs aren't mine and I know that they are going to a great home it's just not hard to give them up. Besides, we can help so many more animals by not keeping the fosters-if we kept them all we wouldn't have room for more.
Deciding to foster is a life or death decision. Thousands upon thousands of dogs are killed each year. Foster homes are desperately needed. If you're interested, contact your local shelter, group or even me for more information.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
It's been far too long...
With the popularity of Facebook, I've let my blog suffer. I can't believe it but Blogger says it's been two years since I posted. I couldn't have read that correctly, could I?
A lot has happened in two years (no kidding!) Jack is now in second grade and the girls will be in kindergarten next year. Jack is doing taekwondo at the school that DH goes to. DH and I are both working at the same jobs.
We've started working with a local animal rescue group and fostering puppies/young dogs. We really enjoy it-although I think I enjoy it more than anyone else. Since December of last year we have had 20 dogs/puppies come through our house. We usually have them for short periods of time-like two-three weeks. We take them to adoption events to try to find them great homes.
Most recently we had a litter of 6 puppies. They were 9 weeks old when we got them and they all found homes within three weeks. It was fun but we had to bathe them daily and that's a lot of work. We also had to clean out three crates twice daily. Usually it's not that much work because the dogs are already crate trained.
In addition to fostering dogs, the family has been busy with back to school for Jack and all of the kids are getting ready to play soccer at the YMCA. The girls are excited because this is the first year that they are old enough to play any of the sports. It's going to be crazy busy for the next few months!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
More Funnies
The kids are "shopping" with grocery bags and cleaning up the house... one is collecting toys, one is collecting shoes and one is collecting garbage. I am cleaning up the kitchen so i can start dinner.
Me: "Please go out of the kitchen and let me finish cleaning up."
Jack: "No no no, I'm just here in case you have a garbage situation."
I bought some "fruit leathers" which are a healthier version of a fruit roll-up (all natural). The babies love them, Jack-not so much. He says, "The leathers are pretty yummy but they taste kind of funky."
Then I put the fruit leathers away and Erica laid down on the floor and kicked and screamed, we're definitely two now!
Me: "Please go out of the kitchen and let me finish cleaning up."
Jack: "No no no, I'm just here in case you have a garbage situation."
I bought some "fruit leathers" which are a healthier version of a fruit roll-up (all natural). The babies love them, Jack-not so much. He says, "The leathers are pretty yummy but they taste kind of funky."
Then I put the fruit leathers away and Erica laid down on the floor and kicked and screamed, we're definitely two now!
Friday, September 18, 2009
Funny Things
Here are some funny things that the kids have said or done lately.
Me: Who pooped?
Megan: Jack did!
Note-Jack did not poop
I was changing Megan when Erica came in and says "Nassy" pointing at her sister. Very astute.
Jack: I wish I had two mommies and two daddies
Me: Why?
Jack: So the real mommy could rest and the other one could cook for us
Note-I need to cook more often
Jack: I got to be snack helper at school with my new best friend.
Me: What is your friend's name?
Jack: Hmm, I don't remember
Note-Kindergarteners develop some really strong friendships, apparently
Jack locked Megan in the bedroom. He came out to me and said, "She's in the bedroom. It wasn't a good choice."
Note-No Kidding!!!
On the first day of kindergarten
Jack: It's normal for parents to cry on the first day of kindergarten-but not for them to have a nervous breakdown.
Note-Duly noted. PS I did not have a nervous breakdown but there was some muffled sobbing :)
Me: Who pooped?
Megan: Jack did!
Note-Jack did not poop
I was changing Megan when Erica came in and says "Nassy" pointing at her sister. Very astute.
Jack: I wish I had two mommies and two daddies
Me: Why?
Jack: So the real mommy could rest and the other one could cook for us
Note-I need to cook more often
Jack: I got to be snack helper at school with my new best friend.
Me: What is your friend's name?
Jack: Hmm, I don't remember
Note-Kindergarteners develop some really strong friendships, apparently
Jack locked Megan in the bedroom. He came out to me and said, "She's in the bedroom. It wasn't a good choice."
Note-No Kidding!!!
On the first day of kindergarten
Jack: It's normal for parents to cry on the first day of kindergarten-but not for them to have a nervous breakdown.
Note-Duly noted. PS I did not have a nervous breakdown but there was some muffled sobbing :)
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Readertotz Blog
I wanted to let all my friends with little ones know about this blog. It's pretty neat... it highlights awesome toddler/preschool books. I haven't seen any books featured that I haven't wanted to run out and buy. I found the blog while perusing the webpage to our local library.
They also do a giveaway (US residents only) every Wednesday. We won a Maisy book and it's adorable. Anyway, check them out at: http://readertotz.blogspot.com/
They also do a giveaway (US residents only) every Wednesday. We won a Maisy book and it's adorable. Anyway, check them out at: http://readertotz.blogspot.com/
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Interview with my child.
Copy this note, ask your kid the questions and write them down exactly how they respond.
I interviewed my little guy, Jack, age 5
1. What is something mom always says to you? “Stop”
2. What makes mom happy? “When I hug you and kiss you”
3. What makes mom sad ? “When I throw things and hit people”
4. How does your mom make you laugh? “When you’re silly and goofy and be funny.”
5. What did your mom like to do as a child? “Be a boy” (WHAT?)
6. How old is your mom? “16”
7. How tall is your mom? “From foot to head, 17”
8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? “Spongebob”
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? “Sit around”
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? ” Me”
11. What is your mom really good at? “I don’t know, you tell me. Um you’re really good at hugging.”
12. What is your mom not very good at? “Balancing all the time”
13. What does your mom do for her job? “I don’t know, work?”
14. What is your mom's favorite food? ”Chicken Pot Pie, you love chicken pot pie!”
15. What makes you proud of your mom? ”playing”
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? ”A Spongebob character”
17. What do you and your mom do together? ”Just play lots and do laundry”
18. How are you and your mom the same? ”We’re the same by being pale.”
19. How are you and your mom different? “I don’t know; we’re the same. If we were in the dark we would be different. “
20. How do you know your mom loves you? “Cause you play with me.”
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? “His music”
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? “Work.”
I interviewed my little guy, Jack, age 5
1. What is something mom always says to you? “Stop”
2. What makes mom happy? “When I hug you and kiss you”
3. What makes mom sad ? “When I throw things and hit people”
4. How does your mom make you laugh? “When you’re silly and goofy and be funny.”
5. What did your mom like to do as a child? “Be a boy” (WHAT?)
6. How old is your mom? “16”
7. How tall is your mom? “From foot to head, 17”
8. What is her favorite thing to watch on TV? “Spongebob”
9. What does your mom do when you're not around? “Sit around”
10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for? ” Me”
11. What is your mom really good at? “I don’t know, you tell me. Um you’re really good at hugging.”
12. What is your mom not very good at? “Balancing all the time”
13. What does your mom do for her job? “I don’t know, work?”
14. What is your mom's favorite food? ”Chicken Pot Pie, you love chicken pot pie!”
15. What makes you proud of your mom? ”playing”
16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be? ”A Spongebob character”
17. What do you and your mom do together? ”Just play lots and do laundry”
18. How are you and your mom the same? ”We’re the same by being pale.”
19. How are you and your mom different? “I don’t know; we’re the same. If we were in the dark we would be different. “
20. How do you know your mom loves you? “Cause you play with me.”
21. What does your mom like most about your dad? “His music”
22. Where is your mom's favorite place to go? “Work.”
Saturday, March 07, 2009
Things have been going pretty well. I have been at my position for 6 months now. Three more and I will be permanent! Yeah!
Jack is now a big 5 year old. He is enjoying playing basketball on a team at the YMCA. Right now he is watching "Beverly Hills Chicky-wa-wa" with his dad. The other night he said, "Can I ask you a personal question?" I was thinking, what kind of personal question does a five year old even know about? So I said ok. He said, "What do you do when your pants are on fire?" Hmmm. Pretty personal.
The girls are so funny. Megan has this throaty laugh and she laughs whenever we do. It is so cute to hear her laugh.
The girls and I went to Ladies Night Out last night. It was pretty fun until Erica ate part of a napkin and threw up at me. Today Jack and I went to Dino Day at the Burke Museum at the University of Washington in Seattle. My friend told me about it. It was a fun day. At least it was until I came home to find my baby with a fever. My poor little Erica is sick. She has a 102.3 fever and is coughing and lethargic. The girls have been sick over and over. At least she had a week or two between the last illness and this one. They were getting sick with something new before getting over what they had before. It's been a really rough winter.
Well I need to go now. I hope everyone is doing well.
Jack is now a big 5 year old. He is enjoying playing basketball on a team at the YMCA. Right now he is watching "Beverly Hills Chicky-wa-wa" with his dad. The other night he said, "Can I ask you a personal question?" I was thinking, what kind of personal question does a five year old even know about? So I said ok. He said, "What do you do when your pants are on fire?" Hmmm. Pretty personal.
The girls are so funny. Megan has this throaty laugh and she laughs whenever we do. It is so cute to hear her laugh.
The girls and I went to Ladies Night Out last night. It was pretty fun until Erica ate part of a napkin and threw up at me. Today Jack and I went to Dino Day at the Burke Museum at the University of Washington in Seattle. My friend told me about it. It was a fun day. At least it was until I came home to find my baby with a fever. My poor little Erica is sick. She has a 102.3 fever and is coughing and lethargic. The girls have been sick over and over. At least she had a week or two between the last illness and this one. They were getting sick with something new before getting over what they had before. It's been a really rough winter.
Well I need to go now. I hope everyone is doing well.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Happy Birthday Baby Boy!!
I'm a few days late in wishing my baby boy a happy birthday on here. Of course we have done various things to celebrate all week. I can't believe my sweetie is 5 years old already!! Anyone who mentions college will be on my list (nope, not my Christmas list)!
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Winter Wonderland
5 inches of snow last night
Jack and Abby
Buried Trike
Yaya's House
Another Picture of Yaya's HouseTuesday, December 09, 2008
News-of a sort
Well here it is almost Christmas and I haven't posted in ages. We're having fun with the kids. Jack is being cute. Here are a few "Jackisms".
He dictated a letter to Santa to his babysitter, it went like this:
"Dear Santa,
Megan and Erica are here and would like some presents. My name is Jack and I am 4 years old. I would like a remote control car like Carly* and some Moon Sand. I would also like some lipstick for my mom and my dad needs some shampoo and arm stuff.
from, Jack"
*Carly is the name his friend gave her remote control car.
One day he found a permanent marker and DH took it from him telling him it wasn't for little boys because it was permanent. He also made an offhand comment that it was a stinky marker and could make someone high. Later that day Jack told me that "that marker makes you grow bigger and bigger".
Jack and DH cut up some summer sausage and cheese (ok Jack didn't cut it up but he helped put it in a baggie). DH had said that they were doing it to "surprise Mommy". So after DH went to the store Jack gestured for me to follow him and whispered, "Come on mama, it's a secret, 'Shhh'" Then when Daddy got home he told me that he had cut the stuff up and it was in the fridge and I told him Jack had already told me. Jack had that sheepish look because he spilled the beans.
Megan and Erica are as adorable as ever. They love baby dolls and will hug them and if you ask Erica for hers she will snatch it away. In fact Erica does that with a lot of stuff, like food. If she reaches her hand out like she's going to share her food and you go to take it, she will snatch it away and smile. I guess it's a game.
Megan boldly ignores us if she has something she's not supposed to have. If we ask her to give us the item she just walks the other way. Or she will come towards us and then turn the other direction and walk away. She likes to climb on Jack's little chair and when we tell her to sit down she will crouch down and look at us and grin and then pop back up. I remember Jack doing that at church during the Children's Moment.
We haven't seen any bugs since we treated the kids and the house. I'm hopeful that we got it the first time but I'm still a little paranoid about it.
He dictated a letter to Santa to his babysitter, it went like this:
"Dear Santa,
Megan and Erica are here and would like some presents. My name is Jack and I am 4 years old. I would like a remote control car like Carly* and some Moon Sand. I would also like some lipstick for my mom and my dad needs some shampoo and arm stuff.
from, Jack"
*Carly is the name his friend gave her remote control car.
One day he found a permanent marker and DH took it from him telling him it wasn't for little boys because it was permanent. He also made an offhand comment that it was a stinky marker and could make someone high. Later that day Jack told me that "that marker makes you grow bigger and bigger".
Jack and DH cut up some summer sausage and cheese (ok Jack didn't cut it up but he helped put it in a baggie). DH had said that they were doing it to "surprise Mommy". So after DH went to the store Jack gestured for me to follow him and whispered, "Come on mama, it's a secret, 'Shhh'" Then when Daddy got home he told me that he had cut the stuff up and it was in the fridge and I told him Jack had already told me. Jack had that sheepish look because he spilled the beans.
Megan and Erica are as adorable as ever. They love baby dolls and will hug them and if you ask Erica for hers she will snatch it away. In fact Erica does that with a lot of stuff, like food. If she reaches her hand out like she's going to share her food and you go to take it, she will snatch it away and smile. I guess it's a game.
Megan boldly ignores us if she has something she's not supposed to have. If we ask her to give us the item she just walks the other way. Or she will come towards us and then turn the other direction and walk away. She likes to climb on Jack's little chair and when we tell her to sit down she will crouch down and look at us and grin and then pop back up. I remember Jack doing that at church during the Children's Moment.
We haven't seen any bugs since we treated the kids and the house. I'm hopeful that we got it the first time but I'm still a little paranoid about it.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Ugh!! Lice!
Well, we had a nice Thanksgiving Eve. I got off work early and we ran to the store, rented a few movies and came home to start preparing for the feast. Jack helped daddy and I with pies, fruit salad, and sweet potatoes. It was really nice and fun. We did as much as we could the night before which was really good since when I gave the babies their baths this morning I noticed black things all over Erica's head.
After a bunch of looking and poking and phone calling we decided it was lice. We had hopes that it wasn't because they were black and all accounts I've heard say that the little eggs are white or tan. But when I look at them under a magnifying glass I knew they were bugs and when I looked online I found a picture of an egg and it was identical to what was on her head.
What a nightmare. So here's what we did and what we'll be doing for the next few weeks:
1.) We have tons of laundry and I'm not exaggerating, we have a lot of laundry and it doesn't get done as often as it should and it piles up. So we bagged all of the laundry and took the bags out to the garage. We are working on one bag at a time.
2.) Then we got all of the stuffed animals (Jack's "friends" as he calls them) and put them in the garage in a garbage bag.
3.) We waited until after we ate and it was almost bedtime and then we treated Megan. We found one nit/louse/something buggy. We got her done and put her to bed.
4.) We treated Jack next and found nothing at all. We finished up and sent him to bed.
5.) Then we treated Erica. That poor baby screamed and thrashed about almost the whole time. She did fall asleep briefly but it wasn't long enough. We combed and combed and combed. When I went to rinse out the combing gel I saw a couple more eggs. We never found any adults or "nymphs". I picked out what I could in the tub. I'm pretty sure I missed some. Tomorrow we will do another comb through after DH comes home.
6.) After she was in bed we treated me. DH found no eggs or anything. I hope he didn't miss any.
7.) Then I sprayed the living room and hall floors with lice killer and vacuumed thoroughly. I also sprayed the sofa.
8.) I put a plastic garbage sack (55 gallon, heavy duty) in the hamper and all of the clothes go directly in there and the sack gets closed up to keep them away from anything that has been cleaned.
9.) We will wash the bedding for the babies daily and will continue to comb and check everyone daily.
10.) Tomorrow I will go out and spray down the car with the lice killer stuff.
11.) I'm going to start vacuuming daily for awhile which I should do anyway but I'm always too tired.
I was pretty freaked out at first but then I got a plan and have felt a lot better because I know exactly what I'm going to do. I have always felt bad for people dealing with lice. There is such a stigma about it but I don't think I know anyone whose family hasn't dealt with the issue. I'm hoping this will be our first and last time.
I still can't figure out where Erica got it since no one else has it here or at the babysitter's house. It's not like she goes anywhere else. I just hate that we had to hold our 15 month old down for over two hours to comb through all of her hair. My poor little girl. I'm praying that she isn't too traumatized.
Anyway, I wished I had a step by step guide with ideas for managing the dirty clothes and bedding and keeping them away from the clean stuff. I don't imagine people will read this but in case they do, I thought this might help.
I can't believe we got through the day. Twin babies, a four year old, and lice are not a great combination. I'm praying that this will be the end of it. You could pray for that too, I would like that.
After a bunch of looking and poking and phone calling we decided it was lice. We had hopes that it wasn't because they were black and all accounts I've heard say that the little eggs are white or tan. But when I look at them under a magnifying glass I knew they were bugs and when I looked online I found a picture of an egg and it was identical to what was on her head.
What a nightmare. So here's what we did and what we'll be doing for the next few weeks:
1.) We have tons of laundry and I'm not exaggerating, we have a lot of laundry and it doesn't get done as often as it should and it piles up. So we bagged all of the laundry and took the bags out to the garage. We are working on one bag at a time.
2.) Then we got all of the stuffed animals (Jack's "friends" as he calls them) and put them in the garage in a garbage bag.
3.) We waited until after we ate and it was almost bedtime and then we treated Megan. We found one nit/louse/something buggy. We got her done and put her to bed.
4.) We treated Jack next and found nothing at all. We finished up and sent him to bed.
5.) Then we treated Erica. That poor baby screamed and thrashed about almost the whole time. She did fall asleep briefly but it wasn't long enough. We combed and combed and combed. When I went to rinse out the combing gel I saw a couple more eggs. We never found any adults or "nymphs". I picked out what I could in the tub. I'm pretty sure I missed some. Tomorrow we will do another comb through after DH comes home.
6.) After she was in bed we treated me. DH found no eggs or anything. I hope he didn't miss any.
7.) Then I sprayed the living room and hall floors with lice killer and vacuumed thoroughly. I also sprayed the sofa.
8.) I put a plastic garbage sack (55 gallon, heavy duty) in the hamper and all of the clothes go directly in there and the sack gets closed up to keep them away from anything that has been cleaned.
9.) We will wash the bedding for the babies daily and will continue to comb and check everyone daily.
10.) Tomorrow I will go out and spray down the car with the lice killer stuff.
11.) I'm going to start vacuuming daily for awhile which I should do anyway but I'm always too tired.
I was pretty freaked out at first but then I got a plan and have felt a lot better because I know exactly what I'm going to do. I have always felt bad for people dealing with lice. There is such a stigma about it but I don't think I know anyone whose family hasn't dealt with the issue. I'm hoping this will be our first and last time.
I still can't figure out where Erica got it since no one else has it here or at the babysitter's house. It's not like she goes anywhere else. I just hate that we had to hold our 15 month old down for over two hours to comb through all of her hair. My poor little girl. I'm praying that she isn't too traumatized.
Anyway, I wished I had a step by step guide with ideas for managing the dirty clothes and bedding and keeping them away from the clean stuff. I don't imagine people will read this but in case they do, I thought this might help.
I can't believe we got through the day. Twin babies, a four year old, and lice are not a great combination. I'm praying that this will be the end of it. You could pray for that too, I would like that.
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